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Not Monday Night Football XXX

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Running Time:   131 minutes
Studio Name:   Hustler  X Play 
Series:   Not... XXX 
Director:   Will Ryder 
Description:   Get ready, Guys! The creator's of Not The Bradys XXX and Not Married with Children XXX are bringing your favorite American pastime to you, XXX style! Watch gorgeous babes fighting over balls, getting down and dirty and scoring non-stop! Kick the season off right and let the games begin!
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Reviewer: Timothy Snarr Date: 12/07/2009
Source: Aebn

"You can't say balls on the air. It's pre-appendaged testes."

That's just one of the clever witticisms spewed forth by the one and only Howard Cosell (Rick Madrid) in "Not Monday Night Football XXX." The newest entrant to Hustler's "Not…XXX" film franchise, NMNFXXX is not exactly your father's Monday night television gridiron duel. Gone is color man "Dandy" Don Meredith. Gone is play-by-play persona Frank Gifford. Gone is the catchy Hank Williams Jr. theme song. In their stead sits X-Box/PlayStation video game football namesake John Madden (Billy Goodrich). Obviously Madden and Cosell never co-habited the broadcast booth, nor would their egos and self-indulgent bilge water bombast allow it to be so. Nonetheless, this is fantasy so anything goes.

The crew that put this film together no doubt appreciates the hallowed history of Monday night madness. The interstitial bits of rubric that act as the set-up mechanism hearken back to the old school MNF, with special attention paid to the "celebrity" guests that stop by the booth for a chat. They include a Cosby Kids/Picture Pages-era Bill Cosby (Thomas Ward), OJ Simpson (Lee Bang) and "Manhattan" Joe (an obvious, yet extremely loose portrayal of Broadway Joe Namath played by Evan Stone) among others. It stands to reason that the Madden addition seems almost more of a way to hold the interest of anyone under the age of 35 – you know, the kids who recognize OJ only as a convicted felon, Bill Cosby as a family physician, and who perhaps have no idea who Joe Namath is at all, or that he once did a commercial spot wearing pantyhose.

Cosell died in 1995, but to anyone old enough to remember, he was and still is the embodiment of Monday Night Football. Whether or not Madrid was channeling Cosell's energy for this film, his portrayal is damn good by anyone's standards. He pretty much carries all the non-porn scenes from start to finish, even replicating Cosell's penchant for punctuating broadcasts with a lilting loquaciousness and voluminous vocabulary.

On the other hand, the porn portion of the film has no generational gaps that need to be filled. The heaping piles of pussy that wriggle and writhe on screen is something everybody gets. For the record, this film may have one of the best assemblages of young pussy in recent memory. No, they are not all household names, but by gosh, if you thought football watching need be limited to a room full of testosterone-fueled, beer swilling rubes, you are in for a shocker. Four of the five scenes, in fact, contain four sultry women to one thick-cocked, shambled looking dude. That is a ratio of men to women akin to many small liberal arts colleges on either coast. And it is a very, very good thing. No, Madden and Cosell don't get laid in this one; they are merely the sideshow. The main event is more like if a very horny Erin Andrews interviewed the very naked Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders and four random guys and then they all split up into groups and fucked the hell out of each other.

There is way too much flesh to cover and too many body parts fusing with other body parts to adequately discuss in a short review. However, here are the basics:

The first scene involves a lucky tailgater, who gets devoured pre-game by four hotties. He doesn't even have time to put down the barbeque tongs before Ashlyn Rae, Cindy Jones, Tatum Pierce and Britney Stevens molest this jock supporter. Four girls for one cock means too many girls lined up in the neutral zone. But, that means lots of pussy licking, time-share cocksucking, threesomes, foursomes, and a cumshot like a lawn sprinkler all over four pretty faces. This one is mega-hot.

Scene two should tug at the heartstrings of any philanthropic porn lover. Four sexy cheerleaders discuss their fund drive to raise money for battered men shelters (those who have been pummeled by their psycho girlfriends.) The next guy to receive the relief money may be the random college player who happens to be at Lambeau Field using the spare lockers (don't ask). There is plenty of face sitting, cockjacking, masturbation, ass eating and permutations of girls lapping up pussy juice. They drink from the front, from behind, while shoving periwinkle dildos into waiting pussies, and while tickling assholes with copper-colored vibrators. Jaelyn Fox, Amia Miley, Layla Rivera, and gorgeous newbie, redhead Delila Darling, star in this one. Good angles and also very hot. More Delila please!

Somewhere in the bowels of the stadium, in the referees' hangout, sideline reporter Sarah Vendella joins one of the side judges along with Jessica Bangkok, Ally Ann and Topanga Fox for an extended pre-game fuck session. Here you'll find some great shots of Vendella's amazing tits as she gets titty fucked. There is also some deep throating, ass licking and some 69. Sarah also acts as the slot receiver in this one, getting it RCG and mish before she and the others get gooey facial blasts. If you have ever wondered why refs miss so many calls on the field, this scene should give you some indication as to where their minds are during the game.

In the next scene, close friends Lela Star, Alyssa Reece, Yurizan Beltran and Mai Ly are hanging out in the living room while watching the game. Apparently bored, they are discussing why guys even bother to watch Monday Night Football. Speaking as a guy, the answer is: It's football, that's why! The girls don't understand that concept. What they do learn is that MNF is just as good as muted background filler for a passionate fuck session. There are sexy panties and very feminine pastel blues and pinks on the knee-high sport socks they wear. The panties don't stay on long, though the socks linger. It's totally sexy. More vibrators and tongues and even a strap-on make an appearance here.

In the last one, Evan Stone and Angelina Armani get it on in the control booth after the game. She is a doll and the sex is solid, but after watching the previous four scenes, it just can't hold a candle to the others.

Fans of cheerleaders and Adult Humor will dig this film. For longtime fans of the real MNF, you will appreciate the fact that the creators are also fans. Either that or they consulted some parking lot grill rats to glean some history about of one of the longest running prime time shows in the annals of television. While the homage to Cosell is not the reason you will ultimately watch, it is certainly a nice touch and will appeal to die-hard football fans everywhere. That said, you don't have to be a sports nut to enjoy this one. There are 18 other fantastically nubile reasons that should suffice.

And in case you were wondering, the final score of this thrilling season opener:

Green Bay - 28

Chicago - 21

Your Sperm Count - Substantially less than before

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5 Scenes from Not Monday Night Football XXX


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