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Lexus Locklear, Suzy Kat, Alexandra Silk, Mila, Shawnee, Sindee Coxx, Alyssa Love, Rebecca Lord, Kobe Tai, Jon Dough, Vince Vouyer, Peter North, T.T. Boy, Tiffany Enright, Mahalo Al, Predator, Anthony Crane, Clarke Irving and Henri Pachard
MEMORABLE QUOTE: “At least she's not named after a pro-football player” Henri Pachard
CREDITS: Directed by Ralph Parfait
SCENE 1: “Hawaii Here We Cum!” (Jon Dough, Alyssa Love, Sidnee Coxx, and Shawn E.)
Jon Dough is Judd Logan: a rather lame director who's “surfing on skidmark row” desperately looking for a new break in the business. With the help of Henri Pachard, he gets a referral for a Hawaiian-themed porn movie courtesy of big shot producer Priscilla Prescott (Alyssa). Such is the start of another semi-amusing parody of the porn industry. Studded with sex scenes on rather un-lush (and tired) setting, the naughty bits just seem to frame the general story and not the other way around. It reminds me somehow of Steve Martin's “Bowfinger” but less funny. Despite its ill-conceived framework, the movie tries to be entertaining while managing to make our dicks hard in the process.
As Judd starts interviewing luscious Shawnee, he realizes that this girl has a lot
of limitations. But when it comes to sucking cock, she's no pushover. Shawnee is a gorgeous Asian chick with nice lips for porn. With a body that's small yet tight and trim, I wish she had more scenes in this movie. As she relishes Judd's cockhead, June Bush (blonde babe Sidnee)comes along for another helping of cock. June's prowess is tit fucking. With her ample bosoms, it's so easy to let her boobs do the talking. The two girls cooperate to work that scepter of power. Then Priscilla suddenly enters the scene. Throwing caution into the wind, she joins in the fun. Both blondes now happily lick, shoot and suck Judd's wang while Shawnee looks on, tugging at her nipples. The three girls look like lions hunkering down for some fresh kill. No sooner than we can say “group suck”, Judd is already releasing his hostages. And he does so like a fountain. Later, we are introduced to Vince Vouyer, his able yet opportunistic assistant.
Scene 2: “Make My Volcano Spurt!” (Mila, Suzy Cat, and TT Boy)
Fifteen minutes into the movie, we get OBB's and credits. We view the green and volcano ridden isles of Hawaii. But the images don't capture much of the locale's beauty. The crew finally arrives on location. As Judd assumes his authority on the set which everyone refuses to acknowledge, lead star Amber Diamond wearing a frizzy poodle 'do (Lexus Locklear) cops an attitude. Segue to the sex scene which involves a sizzling brook side threesome with Big Joe (TT Boy), Suzy and Mila. What's funny here is that Big Joe comes off as a “The Contender” reject as he shadow boxes on his spare time. The foreplay starts as Suzy sucks Big Joe's manhood while Mila engages him in a reverse cowgirl. Suzy gets her turn too with an RC. Mila, forgetting that she's not in a Max hardcore movie, talks loudly, groans and seethes. It's almost funny. Suzy then changes to a cowgirl. The blonde vixen gets a standing doggy while Mila reaches into Suzy's cunt. Suzy's cussing gets infectious as Mila begins to talk dirty too while getting it on with an anal doggy. Big Joe then shifts to let Suzy receive an anal sidesaddle. He then comes onto Suzy's face.
Scene 3: “The Replacement Fucker” (Alexandra Silk and Vince Voyeur)
We then go to another sequence where Judd is made to look foolish. All the actors try to be funny, but it's hardly smile inducing. The situation here gets hairy as the male lead suddenly abandons them off cam and the crew had to find a replacement. But when they do, the sex scene makes up for the insipid intro. Alexandra is a lifeguard and she saves Vince from drowning. She recommends to give him a “mouth to dick resuscitation”. He stands up and gets his cock revitalized while wearing ridiculous floaters on his arms. Then they shift to the good stuff with an anal RC. Alexandra, once rendered nude, has small tits but a great trim body. And her ass is nice and shapely. They then go to a spread eagle mish, squat mish and an extended anal doggy. Alexandra throws her head back in utter ecstasy. The cum shot was underwhelming though.
Scene 4: “Girls On The Grassy Knoll” (Alexandra Silk, Lexus Locklear, and Rebecca Lord)
The next sex scene involves a g/g/g with French girl Rebecca (who greatly reminds me of Heather Graham), Alexandra and platinum bitch, Amber Diamond (who reminds me of Virginia Madsen). They have this atrocious all-girl threesome with Amber as the cowgirl shooter. Each girl tries to caress each girl. Rebecca with a white beret hat looks wonderful however, but the scene is too slow and doesn't sizzle as much as I would have wanted. Rebecca eats some of Amber's tits while Alexandra dines on Rebecca's twat. But it all seems simulated. Rebecca finally eats Amber's snatch. Alexandra gets her muff eaten on a daisy chain oral with Amber in the middle of the threesome. Then, Rebecca's muff gets double pleasure as the two other girls work on her twat and rosebud. Later, Alexandra does a piledriver position as her twat gets dildo action from Rebecca and Amber flicking tongue on her clit. They try to make Alexandra cum but it all ends rather weakly.
Scene 5: “Quickie In Sidelines” (Lexus Locklear and Peter North)
As we continue to see production workers portrayed as retarded slackers and/or assholes, Amber goes into the sidelines as Peter North introduces himself. Nicknamed the “Decorator” (don't ask), he makes the moves on Amber and manages to interest her enough with a blowjob. Despite this, Amber performs half-heartedly while Peter moans and groans a little too appreciatively. Nice image though of her mouth holding on to his cock as he stands up to cum.
Scene 6: “Double Duty Bitch” (Vince Voyeur, Suzy Cato and Jon Dough)
We then shift to Suzy (looking like a thinner Neve Campbell) who tries to seize a golden opportunity by seducing the “powers that be". She asserts herself on both counts, but ends up being banged. First off is an encounter with Vince, then with Jon, then with both studs. Her small flat tits get worshipped. Both mutually fondle each other before she does a double microphone. She looks wonderful sucking those cocks. Vince takes off her white panties as the three make a doggy finger cuff with Vince doing rear duty. This is probably the most horny moment. After changing positions, the jolly trio teach us the ways of an RC finger cuff. Judd's cock looks nice on her mouth. Then as a welcome surprise, we are gifted with a lusty d/p! Sooner however, both guys then cum on her face.
Scene 7: “Banging the Bartender” (Jon Dough and Kobe Tai)
Things get worse when Amber quits and leaves off with a native fisherman. Fate must be smiling on them when Judd finds thin trim Kobe Tai tending bar. Being more than an able replacement, she performed better than what these dimwits ever imagined. With her hair braided to a pigtail and wearing blue green panties and skirt, this Asian babe sure saved us from impending boredom. Model thin and with a nice curvy tight small ass, she wins us over with her sparkling personality! She engages in some hot oralizing with Judd. She has technique and rhythm. She shows sizzling heat. She stuffs that cock as if she's diving for jizz. Judd can only look in amazement. He retaliates with some tongue lashing on her clit. She can only purr and groan in appreciation. Then comes the sex, starting with an astonishingly hot standing doggy. She screams in ecstasy. She moans louder and louder. Then they shift to a cowgirl. She grinds and sways her hips. Her tits may be small but they stand in glorious attention. Judd attacks with great abandon while she bouncing and bounces on his crotch. The pace becomes quick till he comes on her back. That was great! Short but sweet!
Scene 8: “Revised Ending” (Alexandra Silk, Lexus Locklear, Suzy Cat, and Vince Voyeur)
When the shoot is finished, the stupid crew forgot to retrieve the stock that they have shot with. Six months and a re-shoot later, we arrive at a more dramatic yet anti-climactic finale. Amber is back and is joined by Suzy and Alexandra. Amber is buck-naked and looks as if she's trying to be one with Nature. She is trekking inside an unmarked path. She then meets up with the two girls and converge on Vince. Amber proceeds to worship his dong while the other two give moral support by licking his balls. Amber then starts getting lesbo by diving on Alexandra while Suzy gets her twat stuffed with Vince's wang. He then positions her for a mish. Alexandra, on the other hand, gets her snatched finger fucked with Amber's probing hands. Things suddenly get hotter when Vince does a doggy on Amber. While Suzy does tongues on Alexandra, Lexus is lost in the emotion of fucking. Suzy longingly stares at the boy/girl encounter. Then Amber straddles the guy and does a squat cowgirl. Inspired by this, Alexandra sits on Vince's face while Suzy admires Lexus ass. On all fours, Alexandra gets her own doggy. Amber puts her attention on Suzy's cunt. Alexandra can only wince as Vince rides her like the wind. Vince cums on the face of the three girls. All girls lick his dick clean. Sigh.