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What is this?

Running Time:   76 minutes
Studio Name:   Vivid Entertainment 
Director:   David Stanley 
Categories: Blondes   Feature  
Description:   The bride wore a train... and that was the problem. The wedding party was on rubber sheets. She was jilted and he was jolted. It was a case of a woman with a past and a groom who never knew. Can she ball her way back to sanity? Or will he be a better man than the best man? Watch Unlovable. And forever hold your piece.
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Reviewer: Explodingvulva Date: 3/09/2006
Source: Aebn

TITLE: Unlovable

STARRING: Tawny Roberts as Tawny, Eric Masterson, Holly Hollywood, Nicole Sheridan, Evan Stone, Randy Spears, Voodoo, Rich, Chris Cannon, Cher Main, David Stanley, and Agent Aeon

CREDITS: Written and Directed by David Stanley


SCENE 1: “Sharing A Taxi Cab“ (Holly Hollywood, Tawny Roberts, Evan Stone and Eric Masterson)

This is supposed to be a touching love story between a porn star and a lonely guy. But it ends up to be a surreal and uneven mishmash of sex scenes and period pieces trying to follow a hokey storyline. Writer/director Stanley also seems to be showing the innately passive aggressive nature of marriage. Socio- psychosexual messages aside; I sometimes feel that the producers don't seem to know what they want out of this movie.

After a nighttime bender, a goofy Ryan (Evan Stone) is ushered out of the club by his buddy Ben (a relatively chaste and in “leading man” mode Eric Masterson). As they try to hail a taxi, they literally run smack into blonde beauties Tawny (a rather uninspired Tawny Roberts) and Paulette (a skanky Holly Hollywood). They eventually decide to share taxis. During the trip, the foursome develops into separate couples: with Ben teaming up with Tawny, and Ryan going with Paulette.

At their apartment, Ryan and Paulette decide to fool around in Ryan's room as the other two spend an evening of bonding and romance (in other words boring). In Ryan's bedroom, a hot encounter ensues. The two frolic in bed as Ryan slaps Paulette's pussy before eating it. Meanwhile Ben gives Tawny a tour of their digs. It's like a scene from “Sideways” where the drunken friends start fucking away in the other room while the other two try to be civil in the living room. In this case instead of wine they talk about porn, which precipitated after Ben finds out that Tawny is a porn starlet. Hardly the topic of a romantic evening. The scene moves from the living room to the bedroom. Ryan is busy munching on Paulette's muff, eating her clit and finger fucking her. All the while, they are getting rowdy. Evan howls while Paulette can only moan loudly. After tasting his pussy soaked fingers, the two perform a 69. Soon, Paulette does a mean twirling-the-head-while-stroking-the-cock method. Sex later begins with a bouncy cowgirl and a mish. Our blonde vixen whose top shirt consists of loose black threads, takes it off.

SCENE 2: “What They Saw” (Tawny Roberts, Randy Spears and Eric Masterson)

While this is all happening, Tawny and Ben go to the sofa. Tawny starts holding his cock underneath his pants and caresses it. This is started when they pop a DVD and watched one of her opuses. In the movie, Tawny is busy cleaning someone's pipes in an outdoor verandah. The pipe belongs to Randy Spears. What a lucky guy he is as Tawny has proven herself a cocksucking pro. After a cock stabbing oral, the duo maneuvers to a butt-slapping standing doggy. She sure enjoys it when she gets into more sexual skirmishes with a lusty RC. Tawny slides herself down into Randy's love muscle, getting herself thoroughly skewered. Then cut to a mish on the sofa. In it, Randy starts pumping away. Tawny finds the next erogenous spot as she plays footsy on Randy's cock as she rubs it. Randy starts jerking off till he shoots his gooey creamy load on her feet. Tawny then eats the cum.

We go back to find Eric reacting dramatically to Tawny's manual ministrations. In the other room, Evan finally shoots his load onto Holly's boobs. Eric, on the other hand, is just filled with awe while Tawny gives him a satisfying hand job, though we don't really see it. Then in a momentum killing moment, Eric and Tawny have a lengthy heart-to-heart. Though they seem into the conversation, I can barely listen to what they're saying! They seem to be in some romantic interlude. They kiss romantically before the scene ends. At this time, my attention is already elsewhere.

Minutes later, we see the two lovebirds now about to get married. The wedding is officiated by a freaky-looking priest. The guest list also looks freaky. In her bedroom, Tawny waits nervously while Eric is in the bathroom, worried. Then while in a pregnant moment, maid-of-honor Holly suddenly kisses the bride. Tawny fends off her advances. There's more hokey dramatic tension but it proves to be immaterial. As the wedding commences, there's a funny moment where Tawny The Bride is being given away by Randy Spears, the guy she had a sex scene with previously. Later, the groom leaves the bride on the church, too chicken to commit. Eric then goes inside the limo to contemplate on what he had done. This scene has the dramatic impact of a guy picking his nose.

SCENE 3: “Inside the Limo” (Tawny Roberts and Holly Hollywood)

Cut to the insides of the limo where two blondes – Tawny and Holly -- are frolicking as Eric watches and David Stanley looking like a freaky porn director wannabe. This is supposed to be Eric's unconscious at work. How this scene serves on the story's internal logic is beyond me. By this time, I don’t really care anymore. Holly starts eating Tawny's shaved pussy. But her cunni abilities aren't well developed. I liked the lighting and the dance floor-like interiors of the limo though. Holly starts licking her female costars cunt, mercilessly tonguing her clit. But we all know Tawny is just overreacting. The muff munching goes on indefinitely. Soon Tawny is sitting on Eric's lap (Eric looks away, in guilt) while Holly is plugging a weird looking purple sex toy with rotating tube into Tawny's twat. It's a bit shameful that the sex toy had more effect on Tawny than her female co-star. As David blurts out directions like he just took crack, the two girls change positions as Tawny gets gets her own two fingers inside Holly's crim. She then attacks Holly's clit with more tonguing, which elicits more groans. Holly bumps and grinds to meet with Tawny's mouth and fingers. Then Holly puts out all the stops as she pumps her mouth and fingers into Holly's pussy.

Cut to the (un) dramatic scene where Tawny, Holly, Randy and Evan are in the living room. Randy tries to console Tawny, who looks like she just spilled red wine into her favorite dress instead of looking truly devastated. Then Tawny has a weird look on her face as a sexual fantasy asserts itself in her head.

SCENE 4: “Stealing A Hot Moment” (Nicole Sheridan and Voodoo)

Voodoo and Nicole are one of the wedding guests. When these two get horny, they don't care where they do the deed. Somewhere inside the reception area, they manage to find a couch where the husband-and-wife team shows us what they're really made off. Voodoo takes off her top to reveal her augmented creamy white boobs, while a stupid laugh track is heard. Her pussy and ass gets some special attention as Voodoo slaps them. Nicole then starts sucking his schlong while she exchanges spit with him. He soon face fucks her then makes her spreads her pussy on the sofa for a charming spread eagle. She jerks herself off before Voodoo sucks her fingers. The haymaking begins with a slow, but momentum-building mish. Nicole stricken with Tourette's tongue lashes out to Voodoo as he slip slides on her love canal ride. The slow fucking continues with a spooning. At this time, Voodoo's already slick, humongous love wand drives her to a quick succession of mish, bouncy cowgirl, augmented with more bumping and grinding. We see the cute belt that she has on that spells SEXY as she receives a mish. She starts shouting and moaning as she comes internally. She then kneels down and gives him a hand job till he drips his cum out. We see her drooping boobs as she cleans herself from cum.

As the party continues, we get more unnecessary chatter between Randy and a shorthaired blonde (which is wasted because the audio is too low). They start making out. One by one, it seems everyone is getting sexed up. Then we shift to a black and white short where Tawny is made to eat some hors d'oeuvres by Eric, which she disapproves. Eric then gives him champagne. That moment is completely lost to me, as I don't know what the hell it means!

SCENE 5: “Marital Bliss After Threesomes And Food Sex” (Tawny Roberts, Rich and Chris Cannon)

More romantic interludes occur, before moving to a split screen where Tawny gets frisky with the best men, Rich and Chris. She spreads her legs while the ornery guys massage her thighs. Slowly the two studs are undressing her. They seem oblivious to other guests just beside. Minutes later, Tawny is now topless and is busy making out with her courtesans. It looks like it's a dream. She soon unzips Rich's pants and liberates his sleeping Junior. She then sucks his boner like it’s the best delicacy ever! Chris makes himself useful by burying his head between her butt cheeks and hungrily dines on her privates. Chris apparently is in pussy heaven. As can be expected in threesomes, the three soon engage in finger cuffing as Rich introduces an insistent spooning on her twat while her mouth is kept busy sucking Chris' dong. Rich's cocksmanship is sure and hard, distracting Tawny from the sucking at hand. Unscathed by this coital attack, Tawny leans on a table, bends over and receives a doggy. She raises her legs to reveal white stockings as her vag gets stuffed with kielbasa. Rich pumps her good and hard. Afterwards, she turns for a mish finger cuff as cock is shoved into her mouth. But Rich soon gets his cock down to get her full attention. Tawny then sees the wedding cake nearby and claws it. She then smears the icing into her boobs and onto the other guy's cock. Chris expresses his appreciation as he clubs her clitoris. Soon the two guys are jerking off on her as they shoot cum on her mouth and boobs. Interestingly enough, our resourceful cunt mixes the icing and they’re cum together as a lotion.

After the sex, Eric suddenly comes into view and stares at a defiled Tawny. In a corny sequence, he approaches her. He hands her a flower, which she throws on the floor and steps on. She then slaps him on the face, and then kisses him on the lips. I take it that the two still wants to get hitched. Oh-kay! Things may seem to look swell up until the honeymoon where the two didn't seem to it off. A rather confusing ending that made my head hurt rather than my cock.

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4 Scenes from Unlovable

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